The Art of Reviewing

All the time, we are reviewing things: movies, games, books, TV Shows, that one girl you really don't like, how awful that Christmas sweater your grandmother gave you is, and most importantly, how big your Christmas present box is, and how much of a let down that huge box is. As we review all these things, we find ourselves trying to come up with the best way to assess it, and I have recently found that, there is a secret and sacred art that we all must learn (for the book community anyways) and that is the art of reviewing.

Most of the time on Goodreads, you'll see hundreds upon hundreds of reviews for a certain book, whether it be a good or a bad book, just depends on who you ask. But,  half of the time you'll see hundreds of vague and unhelpful reviews (which is why Barnes and Noble's has a helpful review system where users can vote how useful a review is) and you'll also see many abundantly lengthy reviews that really get down into the nitty gritty of why a novel was so bad, because let's be honest, only the 3-1 star ratings are the really good reviews, the ones that really get your blood boiling and make you really want to sucker punch that person in the face for calling your favorite book an unimaginative, unrealistic, and unrelatable piece of crap, when you found it to be the most beautiful and creative masterpiece since Michelangelo's David. The vague reviews are the ones that sing the undying praise for a book without going into much detail, though sometimes, the negative reviews will be quite vague and serve no purpose other than to possibly troll. But, looking back at the lengthier reviews, we can the see the beautiful Art of Reviewing in action.

First we must ask, what is a review? A review is simply an oral overview including facts and opinions in order to create a viable conclusion towards a specific piece of work.

Next, what makes a good review? A good review has the following things:

• Upsetting, but true facts about the book 
• Humor, because like a book, you need a little humor to keep it light
• Keeps most of their undying praise or hate out of it, meaning, keep yo damn emotions to yo self
• Uses real evidence from the book such as quotes and page numbers
• Keeps the feelings about the author out of the review, we relates to bullet point number 3
• Gives some kind of recommendation

And a bad review?

• Vague and short
• Funny for the wrong reasons
• excessive GIFs
• Didn't keep it's damn emotions out of it
• Attacks the author
• Uses no evidence for their conclusion

Like writing, the art of reviewing comes with much practice, much patience, and the build up of a tough skin. Even when the review is done, you have to have a tough skin against those who are against your review. You have to be able to stand your ground and make sure that your opinion is kept throughout the entire grudge match, in addition this, you must also be open to new opinions, but only if they either agree with your opinion to work with your argument. Along with these things, I should talk about a review as an argument.

When you are reviewing something, you are stating an opinion that you have about something, meaning, you are arguing that Book is bad or good, and it becomes a 'debate' we shall say when someone negates your argument, and now you have to use your own review as your shield to help you stand your ground. In order not to sound repetitive, when arguing about your opinion, you must always keep your emotions out of it, which is where Bullet Point 3, Section 1 comes from--emotions are the humans weakest point, it is what causes them to lose wars, logic is what wins them

Here are some tips on writing a good review:

1. If you plan on using the phrase 'I feel' do not believe to yourself that you are stating something emotionally. 'I feel' is the opinionated phrase that sets up another part of your argument or review. Ex. I feel that eBooks will not replace physical copies due to....(state your argument here) 
2. When you are reviewing, imagine that you are writing a mini synopsis of the book before you start to write about what you think, in this synopsis, often time you can add small hints about your opinion of the book by saying something about the character or how cliched the town or the storyline is, almost as though you are creating a parody of the book and preparing to publish it
3. Imagine that you review is going to be published by the New York Times, by imagining this, you are more likely to put more memorable phrases and stronger phrases that support your opinion into the review, which helps greatly in trying to keep the readers attention, and maybe win them over if they are deciding whether or not they should read this book.
4. If possible, stay neutral overall, this means, staying friendly and not becoming overly harsh, and overly righteous with how you write things, don't become full of yourself: stay human. 
5. As mentioned already, add humor to what you write, make it fun and not so monotone and 'ugh', if you add humor your point will stand out more, and by making it stand out more, your opinion will seem more relevant. 

Hopefully this post will give you a little bit of guidance into the world of reviewing and how to do it well, and in doing it well, you will soon be able to write some of the best, most helpful, and your favorite reviews, possibly getting people to read more of the books you like as well as more of your reviews, garnering you a little bit more internet relevance in whatever community you are in. Cheers!